Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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