yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize