Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
