he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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