you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
