Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
