I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
