Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
