Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
