What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
