If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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