I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
