I want you more than these girls want KFC
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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