His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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