I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
