i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
