We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
