The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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