Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
