We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
