Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
