Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
