shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
