then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
