had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
