I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
