He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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