having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
