I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
