remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
