How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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