I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
