All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i out mim tonsoeep
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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