no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
