Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
