he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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