you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
