I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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