worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's paper in my vomit.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
