Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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