Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
