Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
