did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
