I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
