Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
