Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
