I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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