he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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