we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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