not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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