It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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