i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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