Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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