There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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