Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
