Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
