my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
