So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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