Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
