Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
