He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
