Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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