He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
