dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
