I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
