i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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