I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
