so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
