U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
