i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
