lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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