Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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