My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
