You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
